CRITIQUE GROUPS; REMOVING THE ROSE-COLORED WRITER GOGGLES

I don’t know of any successful writer who doesn’t belong to a critique group of their peers. A good critique group can be invaluable. Never, and I mean NEVER, submit your work without several critiques. Yes, I know that when you finish your manuscript it feels good. You sit back and revel in your own brilliance. You have no doubts. You know it is perfect and once an editor lays eyes on it, they will scoop it up and it will need no changes. But even though you’ve written fiction, you’ve got to come back down to the real world. Although your work just might be brilliant, it probably isn’t perfect. As the writer, you are blind to its imperfections. We all hope an editor will love and accept our work as-is, but that just isn’t reality. And it is your job as the author to make sure you submit a manuscript as close to perfect as you can get it. But this task is nearly impossible while wearing your rose-colored writer goggles.

Rose-colored writer goggles are something every writer unconsciously wears when they’ve finished a manuscript they’re excited about. Similar to the beer goggle phenomena, which makes everybody look sexier than they really are; writer goggles make every word of your manuscript seem more magnificent than they really are. As long as the goggles remain in place, you will never see your manuscript for what it really is. Unfortunately, you can’t remove your writer goggles on your own. The best and easiest way to get those goggles off is to have them surgically removed by your critique group. Don’t worry, it doesn’t hurt – much.

The first job of your critique group is to read your manuscript and tell you what the strong points are. At this, you might feel the goggles getting tighter. But then, truth be told, it is their duty to tell you also what doesn’t work. Plot issues, inconsistencies, point of view, whatever. Your critique group can point out where you lose your voice, where you’ve stopped being true to your character and other areas that just need more work. Here, the goggles get ripped off like a Band-Aid that’s been stuck on too long. 

I’m not going to kid you.  Removal of the rose-colored writer goggles can smart. You have to be strong and ready to receive criticism. It isn’t always easy. A good critique partner not only points out where you’ve gone astray but can also offer tips and ideas on improvement. Instead of telling you, “This doesn’t work,” you want to find someone who can tell you, “This doesn’t work, and here’s why and maybe you could try this instead.” Through it all you have to listen to what they have to say. You may not agree with all of it. That’s okay. Even so, you need to be open to their opinion and use it to your advantage. Take the advice you think works and disregard the rest. But be smart, if more than one critiquer points out the same issue, more than likely they’ve honed in on a weak spot that probably needs a revision. If they just don’t “get it” then go back and make sure you've written it in a way that fully shows your intentions. Sometimes, as writers, we forget to let the reader in on what's still in our heads. Don't take any criticism personally. Remember, you asked for the truth and you've got to realize all critiques are subjective. Not everyone is going to love your work, no matter how good it is. Now that the goggles are off, you should have a better view of your manuscript. Now it is time to jump in and add the gravy to the meat and potatoes you’ve already got. After all, we all know the gravy makes it taste better – right?

I have a critique group that I belong to on line with other picture book writers. We submit our work in a forum and add our critiques in the comments section. It is a closed group that only members can access. This group is perfect for pointing out the little things my writer’s goggles hid from me. This is where I start my revision process. I also belong to a critique group that meets face to face twice a month. We’ve come to know each other personally and we know each other’s strengths and weaknesses. The fun part of meeting like this is that when something isn’t working we pop into brainstorm mode which isn't as easy to do on the internet. For instance, I had a great premise for a new picture book and although I had an idea for the ending, it wasn’t a very strong one. Within seconds they all started throwing out ideas and each idea hatched another one and soon I had a terrific ending that I never would have thought of on my own. As I said before, a good critique group is invaluable.

Where do you find a critique group? Well, it really isn’t hard. Use what you’re familiar with to your advantage. Send out a call on Twitter, on Facebook, LinkedIn, through SCBWI, and other places you have access to. I found my online group through Verla Kay’s site (www.verlakay.com) by posting on her message board. My face-to-face group was the product of SCBWI. If you can’t find one, start one. Again, use the above tools to your advantage. Put it out there. If you build it, they will come. 

THE DEMON OF DAUNTING: Writing my 1st Novel

I did it! I finally did it!

 What am I talking about? Why, my novel of course. You see, as a predominant picture book writer I write in short bursts. It may take months to get a picture book “just right” but it only takes a few days to get the “bare bones” on paper. I like that. Within a few days, I have a manuscript in front of me. It is not a polished manuscript, but it is a manuscript nonetheless. Something I can work from. As someone who loves the revision process, this is my favorite part. I have lots of fun dissecting my work and making it better.

 But a novel is a whole different animal. It is like comparing a kitten to an elephant. A novel takes waaaay longer than a few days to pump out a first draft. Compared to my 500 word picture books, a 50,000 word novel is a huge undertaking and a daunting task. Here’s what I see in my mind when I sit down to write one.

As a writer, I write. I constantly have book ideas rolling around in my head. Many of them are too mature for the picture book scene. So I thought, why limit myself to just picture books? When an idea hits me hard and strong I have to run with it. As always, the story starts off fast and furious. I type like a madwoman in my attempt to get it on paper before I lose it. But with a novel, this goes on for days. And as I sit at my computer, that looming shadow grows bigger and bigger. I try to ignore it, but it hangs over me with dark claws and glowing eyes. At this point I recall that character Glum, from the old Gulliver’s Travels cartoon and I hear his mantra floating over me. “You’re never gonna make it!” Then the self-doubt takes over and I find myself avoiding the computer because, well, ITS SCARY!

 So I meet with my critique buddies. They remind me that I am not alone. They tell me to put on my big girl panties and confront my demons. I sit back down at my computer. My drawing of the big scary shadow sits over my desk to remind me that he is a figment of my imagination, and I type. And I type. And I type. Sometimes, without thinking, I glance up at the Demon of Daunting and a shiver runs through me, but as the word count grows the monster gets smaller and smaller and smaller . I finally type the last word and POOF! The demon is gone!

 Hooray! First draft!

 Then I let it stew a while. I let all the flavors mesh with the characters and the plot. Then, because I am a picture book writer and I write short and to the point, I go back in and add my meat and potatoes to the mixture. This is my favorite part. Like a puzzle I go through it and look for inconsistencies. I add new ideas. I flesh out my characters and wrap up all the storylines until the whole thing feels like it has come full circle.

 Hooray! Second draft!

 Now this is the draft I’m willing to share. Is it finished? Of course not! When is a book ever finished? Right up to the time it is printed, changes can still take place. But for my novel, the Bones and the flesh are here and if I’ve done my job right, only cosmetics are left.

 After a round with my critique group I am ready to tackle draft number three. Nothing major, but changes definitely have to be made. I’m excited. I’ve accomplished something. I CAN write a novel. I beat the Demon of Daunting and survived to write again. So I do. As the first paragraphs of my new novel appear on the blank page, the demon arrives. He takes his usual spot to loom over me, but this time I’m ready for him and he isn’t half as scary. Bring it on!

IS IT REAL? The Truth About Fiction

On June first, a line of devastating storms sped through the state of Massachusetts bringing with it numerous tornados. My home town of Ware, sitting snug in the valley was spared, but much of the surrounding areas weren’t so lucky. In fact, Monson, a neighboring town will be picking up the pieces for a long time to come. As news of the destruction played out across our television screen and family and friends posted pictures on Facebook my four year old daughter became worried and confused.

“Was it a real tornado, Mommy? Or just a make-believe one like in the movie TWISTER?” she asked.

Now keep in mind, TWISTER is one of her favorite movies. Something about the storm scenes amazes her much more than it frightens her. Maybe she is destined to become a Storm Chaser or Meteorologist. Either way, at four, she is confused by the images she is seeing so close to her grandmother’s home. Of course this prompted a discussion of what is real and what is not real. This is a difficult concept for a young child to grasp. The “real” images from the June first tornado are eerily similar to the “fake” ones from the movie. I tried to explain that the movie is fiction; a story somebody made up.

“Why does it seem so real?” She wanted to know.

And herein lays the real root of the problem. As a fiction writer myself, the answer is simple. After all, if it didn’t seem real, it wouldn’t be believable. Who wants to watch a movie or read a book that isn’t believable? The key to writing good fiction is making the reader believe it. Whether you’ve brought your reader to a post-apocalyptic country where children are forced to play deadly games to win food for their village, or, like in my upcoming picture book, you introduce your reader to a slipper wearing bedbug who doesn’t want to share her bed with a human, it must draw the reader in.

If the tornados in the movie TWISTER looked like the funnel in a soda bottle science experiment it certainly wouldn’t have been nominated for an Academy Award and the effects department would find themselves standing in line at the unemployment office. The realistic feel of the movie is what made it a hit. It is what drew audiences to see it.

But not all fiction is cut and dry. Of course my smarty pants daughter wanted to know if the recent documentary we watched on Pompeii was real or fiction.

“That was real,” I said.

“You mean they videotaped it while it happened?” she asked.

Oh boy, this kid never allows for an easy answer. I explained the film we saw was a reenactment of the true story, which is called non-fiction, and the people were all actors. That seemed to appease her for the moment, but now, every story she comes across, either in print or film, spurs a burning need to know if it is fiction or non-fiction. This whole episode had me second guessing my own take on fiction. Therefore I did a little research. Webster’s definition of Fiction is, literature made up of imaginary events and characters. But as I mentioned earlier, fiction is not cut and dry. I came across a few sub-categories which will help straighten out my daughter’s confusions and hopefully yours too.


1. Realistic Fiction: A story which is not true but could actually happen. I think the movie TWISTER is a good example of this.
2. Non-Realistic Fiction: A story where the events couldn’t really happen. Like Nick Jr’s TEAM UMIZOOMI.
3. Non-Fiction: Based solely on fact like the Pompeii documentary.
4. Semi-Fiction, which is a fictional account based on a true story like the 1995 animated film, BALTO.


There are obviously more categories such as Science Fiction or Historical Fiction and more, but that delves a little deeper than this discussion warrants and I’m trying to make sense of this for a four year old after all. Who, by the way, seems to be catching on. This morning, while watching TEAM UMIZOOMI, she proudly announced the show was fiction because there obviously is no real “tiny team,” although she is unsure of the existence of Umi City. Even so, her deduction tells me she’s learning. The concept is not beyond her. The brain-sponge is soaking it in and sending a few drops my way. We’re learning together.

Another lesson we're learning together is compassion in the wake of this tornado disaster. I've sent in my monetary donation and wish I didn't live so far so I could do more. Please keep these people in your prayers.








I’d like to thank Sherri Pelski for use of the photo images of the Monson Tornado. As I mentioned earlier, this community will be picking up the pieces for a long time to come. Monson is a typical Norman-Rockwell type small town and it needs your help in order to rebuild. If you’re able, please take a moment to send in your donation at the following web site: https://www.kintera.org/site/c.kkLRJ7MQKtH/b.6626855/k.275A/Massachusetts_Tornado_Relief_Fund/apps/ka/sd/donor.asp?c=kkLRJ7MQKtH&b=6626855&en=gpKGLLOrH8ICKMOqGeJKJLMrGdKTJ6PFKcJKLTMwFfLKLSOrHhI1G

BE TRUE TO YOUR CHARACTERS

There is nothing more frustrating than when someone critiques your work and says, “Your character wouldn’t do that!” or “Your character wouldn’t say that!”

I must admit, hearing that totally grates on me. How can anyone possibly tell ME what my character wouldn’t do or say? Hello. It is my character. I made them up and they do what I tell them to do. End of story.

I admit, this is something I’m not happy to hear. But I’m in a critique group for a reason and I need to keep an open mind. So even though I don’t initially agree with this statement, I do try to take a closer look at the problem. Although I don’t fully understand the concept of other people telling me what my character would or would not do, I do realize my critique partners aren’t totally wrong in their assessment. Very often what they’ve pointed out, is an area where my voice has come through instead of the character’s. Either the adult me has made an appearance or the 80’s teenager from my past has honed in on my contemporary protagonist. Usually it is a quick fix and I move on. But again, this is an issue that I couldn’t fully comprehend. Until recently.

A few weeks ago I was reading a book that nearly had me pulling my hair out. It was a sequel to another book I had read and enjoyed. I can honestly say I was pretty invested in the main character. Enough that I liked her and wanted to read more about her. However, in book two she consistently did things that totally made no sense to me. At least no sense in the terms of who she was or who I had perceived her to be. I really struggled to finish the book and found myself yelling at it often. “No! Why would you do that?” I think my husband was ready to have me committed. And it hit me. This is what my critique partners were talking about. I was finally able to wrap my brain around the concept of being true to your characters.

It is quite an easy concept if you think about it. For example, if your character is afraid of dogs then it is obvious she is not going to pet someone’s dog in passing or hang out in front of the pet store window fawning over the puppies. In fact, she will probably cross to the other side of the street when confronted by a dog walker and may even steer clear of the block where the pet store is located.

If your story has an "a-ha" moment where the character overcomes her fear of dogs, it must come at a price. For example, your character can not just suddenly decide she likes dogs now and happy, happy, joy, joy she heads to the pet store to get one. Something has to happen to change her opinion. And it has to be big. You can’t just have some guy with a nice dog come up to her and say, “Look, not all dogs bite. Pet mine and you’ll see.” It has to be something significant and it has to ring true to your character; her fears and her personality. A life threatening situation might come in handy for this example. What if a rescue dog saved her from a flash flood or a burning building? But even so, it can’t be easy. She can’t simply overcome her fear of the dog in order to be rescued. You’d need to show that her fear of the rising water or deadly flames has become greater than her fear of the dog. This isn’t easy to do and should impose a lot of inner as well as outer conflict. The situation must get more dire. (Outer conflict) Flames and smoke choke her. Parts of the building is collapsing all around. Meanwhile, she is struggling with herself. Should she trust the darn dog? (Inner conflict.) Finally, the situation comes down to a do or die moment where she makes up her mind to take her chances on the dog who of course, pulls her to safety.

I realize the above example is pretty easy and straightforward. The places in your manuscript where you might find yourself being less than true to your characters will probably be more subtle. But whether your dishonesty is big, like my example, or small, like a morsel of your own voice shining through, an invested reader will still pick up on it. And if they lose faith in your character, they will lose faith in you too. An unhappy audience doesn’t bode well for selling books. You can take that to the bank but leave your dog at home.

BE TRUE TO YOUR CHARACTERS

There is nothing more frustrating than when someone critiques your work and says, “Your character wouldn’t do that!” or “Your character wouldn’t say that!”

I must admit, hearing that totally grates on me. How can anyone possibly tell ME what my character wouldn’t do or say? Hello. It is my character. I made them up and they do what I tell them to do. End of story.

I admit, this is something I’m not happy to hear. But I’m in a critique group for a reason and I need to keep an open mind. So even though I don’t initially agree with this statement, I do try to take a closer look at the problem. Although I don’t fully understand the concept of other people telling me what my character would or would not do, I do realize my critique partners aren’t totally wrong in their assessment. Very often what they’ve pointed out, is an area where my voice has come through instead of the character’s. Either the adult me has made an appearance or the 80’s teenager from my past has honed in on my contemporary protagonist. Usually it is a quick fix and I move on. But again, this is an issue that I couldn’t fully comprehend. Until recently.

A few weeks ago I was reading a book that nearly had me pulling my hair out. It was a sequel to another book I had read and enjoyed. I can honestly say I was pretty invested in the main character. Enough that I liked her and wanted to read more about her. However, in book two she consistently did things that totally made no sense to me. At least no sense in the terms of who she was or who I had perceived her to be. I really struggled to finish the book and found myself yelling at it often. “No! Why would you do that?” I think my husband was ready to have me committed. And it hit me. This is what my critique partners were talking about. I was finally able to wrap my brain around the concept of being true to your characters.

It is quite an easy concept if you think about it. For example, if your character is afraid of dogs then it is obvious she is not going to pet someone’s dog in passing or hang out in front of the pet store window fawning over the puppies. In fact, she will probably cross to the other side of the street when confronted by a dog walker and may even steer clear of the block where the pet store is located.

If your story has an "a-ha" moment where the character overcomes her fear of dogs, it must come at a price. For example, your character can not just suddenly decide she likes dogs now and happy, happy, joy, joy she heads to the pet store to get one. Something has to happen to change her opinion. And it has to be big. You can’t just have some guy with a nice dog come up to her and say, “Look, not all dogs bite. Pet mine and you’ll see.” It has to be something significant and it has to ring true to your character; her fears and her personality. A life threatening situation might come in handy for this example. What if a rescue dog saved her from a flash flood or a burning building? But even so, it can’t be easy. She can’t simply overcome her fear of the dog in order to be rescued. You’d need to show that her fear of the rising water or deadly flames has become greater than her fear of the dog. This isn’t easy to do and should impose a lot of inner as well as outer conflict. The situation must get more dire. (Outer conflict) Flames and smoke choke her. Parts of the building is collapsing all around. Meanwhile, she is struggling with herself. Should she trust the darn dog? (Inner conflict.) Finally, the situation comes down to a do or die moment where she makes up her mind to take her chances on the dog who of course, pulls her to safety.

I realize the above example is pretty easy and straightforward. The places in your manuscript where you might find yourself being less than true to your characters will probably be more subtle. But whether your dishonesty is big, like my example, or small, like a morsel of your own voice shining through, an invested reader will still pick up on it. And if they lose faith in your character, they will lose faith in you too. An unhappy audience doesn’t bode well for selling books. You can take that to the bank but leave your dog at home.

AND HERE'S THE PITCH!

This weekend I attended the annual SCBWI Carolinas Fall Conference. I learned lots of amazing things and came away with a head full of new knowledge and a muse loaded with ideas. But there is one thing that has been nagging at me and I thought I’d like to share.

The amazingly talented marketing guru and writer, Shelli Johannes-Wells hosted a workshop Sunday morning called DON’T BE AFRAID OF THE M WORD. It was a very insightful lesson on the ins and outs of branding for authors. One thing she said that stuck with me was, “Know your pitch!” She said most people tend to zone out after the first ten words!

Wow, really? It got me thinking about the pitch for my novel, BLOOD TIES. This is my next “big” work. This is the piece of heart and soul that I hope to catch an agent with. And until Sunday, I wasn’t worried about my pitch. I had it. It was done. Heck you may have read it here on my blog. It was short (45 words), it was simple and to the point. So what was the problem? It didn’t seem natural. Shelli said your pitch should simply start like this: “My book is about. . .”

Instead, mine was more formal. It read much like a book flap or query letter. Take a gander:

His Dad is in jail, his mother is an alcoholic and his little brother is a pint-sized Goth freak. Life isn’t easy for Talon Cooley,
so when Dad calls from prison looking for another hand-out to save his worthless life, what's a guy to do?

Not bad. I mean, it didn’t suck and you got the gist. My problem was that it didn’t flow easily in conversation. If someone says to me, “So, what’s your book about?” I will look like a total dork if I suddenly turn on my James Earl Jones narrator voice and spout the above pitch. So I decided to make it more personal, more easily accessible and likely to hold up in conversation. Here’s my attempt:

My book is about . . . a teenage boy stuck in the shadow of his father’s jailhouse rep. So when neighborhood pets start
disappearing and an arson roams the area, fingers automatically point toward “that Cooey boy.” Talon’s struggle to clear
his name initiates a risky game with a dangerous drug dealer and leads to a discovery that just might give him a new outlook
on the man he calls Dad.

Whew! It went from 45 to 72 words. I’ve heard a pitch should never go above 150-200 words and I’ve managed to stay below that. Although it would never fit on Twitter. Does it still need work? Hell yeah. But my novel is still a work in progress and I’m thinking I might have a better handle on it once it is complete. In the meantime, It’ll still be rolling around my brain looking for improvement.

Now let’s talk about you. How’s your pitch? Is it formal like mine or can you tell me about it in casual conversation? Do you know it by heart? Will it fit on Twitter? (There are agents/editors who sometimes take pitches there and also sponsor contests.)

Let’s see what you’ve got. Pretend I’m Joan Q. Editor. We’re together at a social gathering and I look at you point blank and say, “So, what’s your book about?”

Share your best pitch in the comments section below.

THE SUBMISSION PROCESS AS I SEE IT

I don't know if it's just me, but lately it seems as though responses to my submissions are coming in slower than ever. Now don't get me wrong, once in a while a rejection trickles in, but for the most part, my mailbox and inbox remain empty of editor/agent correspondence. Not that I’m complaining. I like to take heart in the old mantra, “no news is good news”. However, I wonder if other writers are noticing the same. With many houses closing their doors to unagented material (I don’t have an agent) and the economy forcing everyone and their brother into thinking they can write children’s books, the submission process seems to be getting more difficult to navigate day by day. (Editors/Agents are inundated with an ever increasing amount of submissions.)With this in mind, I thought I’d share with you my submission process:

First of all, I have more than one picture book manuscript ready for submission. That said, I think you can gather that I am submitting multiple manuscripts, (one at a time), to various editor/agents as I see fit. I try very hard to target my submissions to an editor/agent who I feel might be most receptive to that certain piece of work. For example, one of my newer works is a rhyming picture book called THE GUMBALL. (See sidebar on this blog regarding available works.) I began submitting it in early December and targeted editors who have published fun, silly rhyming picture books in the past. To date, I have received only one response and that was a very nice, handwritten rejection. I have five other editors I am waiting to hear back from. Before I resubmit elsewhere, I want to gage their reaction. If I get a pile of form rejections, I know the book isn’t working and I will need to rethink it. If I get some positive responses, then maybe I’m on the right track. However, since I’m in this for the long haul, and this is my career path, I’m praying for more than a nice rejection. With each submission, I aim for a contract. I cross my fingers and toes and answer every phone call with that little blip of apprehension, hoping against hope this is it, “the call”.
It has happened. I’ve been lucky enough to sell two books. But as I’ve said, I’m in this for the long haul and each day opens up new opportunities. I continue to scour my email and phone messages knowing that at some point there will be good news awaiting me. Fingers crossed.

Another aspect of the submissions process is the query letter. Like the full submission, this must be a carefully targeted communication. Similar to the cover letter which is included with a full submission, the query letter must convey your story in an appealing and fascinating way. Don’t give away the ending, but allude to it in a way that catches the editor/agent’s attention and makes them want to know more. If you’ve garnered their interest, they’ll probably ask to see the manuscript. At this point your work becomes solicited material and you’ve bypassed the dreaded “slush pile”. Some picture book writers hate the query letter. Personally, I run both hot and cold on it. Sometimes query letters have opened new doors for me. Houses that are closed to unsolicited submissions have requested material from me and although they passed on the particular project they have remained open to more of my work. Bonus! On the other hand, I have had queries that remain in limbo. These are queries I never get a response to. I don’t believe it is proper to send a status query on a query; seems redundant. Therefore, these are submissions I consider rejected. Yet, there is always hope it fell behind some assistant’s desk and will be resurrected. Some conscientious editor will discover it and immediately contact me for the full and love it and want it immediately. (Hey, didn’t I say I’m in this for the long haul?)

Then of course is the rewrite stage or even the “we-love-it-and-will-get-back-to-you” stage. I find these to be even more nail-biting than either the basic submission or query policies. At this point, you know you’ve found someone who is more than mildly interested in your work. However, this process seems to be harder than the others as now your submission moves on to the acquisitions meeting. Here it will be analyzed by sales and marketing and everyone, not just the editor, must love it and believe in it. These are tough odds. This is where your talent is overridden by the bottom dollar; literally. If the acquisitions team doesn’t think your book will make enough money for it to be worth their while, you will not be offered a contract. This whole concept makes me weak in the knees. It is difficult to know I’ve come so close and waiting for the outcome is like waiting for a verdict concerning my future. (Which in a way, it is.) During this stage, I’ve had to wait as little as a month and as long as a year. To date, I have two manuscripts in this position -that I know of. My fingernails are nibbled to the quick. Wish me luck!

Another area of submitting that must be considered for any writer in today’s market is the agent submission. Finding an agent is a long and arduous task. At least it has proven to be so for me. As primarily a picture book writer the list of agents accepting this type of work is not a long one. I also find it a bit weird trying to sell a book (singular) to an agent when I have numerous manuscripts in my arsenal. Not that I expect any agent to love every one of my works, but I think it would only be an asset for them to know I’m not a one hit wonder. I don’t dabble in writing, but work hard at it. I want them to know there is more work he/she may be interested in representing. I’m looking for someone to represent my career as a whole and not just one manuscript. Also, since I have been submitting on my own for a while, many agents are deterred from working with these manuscripts. They want material that has not been seen by editors. Should I hold my manuscripts for six months or more while I wait for agent responses, or should I take advantage of contacts I’ve made on my own? I really find myself in a quandry here and can't seem to decide on the right course of action. All I know for sure is that I’m not getting any younger and this is not a fast business. I really believe an agent would do wonders for my career. They would be able to open doors that are not just closed, but also locked. And yet I can’t seem to find that special person willing to take on a picture book author without a big sales record. Catch 22. But that doesn’t stop me from trying. Mr./Ms. Agent, I know you’re out there. Here’s to hoping our paths will cross soon.

And that is the submissions process from my point of view. I’d love to hear your take on it. How do we differ in our pursuit toward publication? What tips or advice can you share? Most of all, how is it working for you? Inquiring minds want to know.

-Niki Masse Schoenfeldt

A SAD DAY FOR A CRESTFALLEN WRITER

We’ve all heard it said, from the writer’s point of view, that this is “A Bunny Eat Bunny World,” and you know it’s true. This is not an easy profession we’ve entered into and only a few select authors can manage to support themselves with a full-time gig. I am not one of them. In fact, one day last week, I woke with the horrible conviction that it was time for me to throw in the towel. Why I felt that way, and why the feeling was so strong, I don’t know. Although there have been times in the past where the struggle toward publication felt like an uphill battle, I never reached the point where I was ready to quit; until last week. What changed? Nothing. Is my career hopeless? Maybe.

My track record is better than some and worse than others. I’ve a handful of magazine articles to my name, my first picture book (NATURE’S LULLABY) released last fall and as of today, I have three others being held for consideration at major houses. There is not a day that goes by I don’t do some form of work toward getting my manuscripts and name out there. My husband and family are very supportive and I belong to many great groups who share my passion. I also pray real hard that success will come my way. And let it be known I’m not greedy. I don’t need to be responsible for the next Harry Potter, or Twilight series. I just want my work to reach the children. I know that sounds corny, but it is truly how I feel. I read lots and lots of books. Most of which are YA and PB, and let me tell you, I’ve run across quite a few stinkers in the bunch. How often have you read a book that really sucks and you wonder how on earth this person ever found someone to publish it? How often have you thought, “My stuff is way better than this?” Those are the times that seem to push me under the furthest. Even my children give me similar sentiments after reading a particularly boring or just plain senseless book.

“Mom, why can’t you get published? You’re stuff is way better than this junk!”

Although I know they mean it as a good thing, that simple comment does major damage to my writing psyche. I mean, why IS this crap making it to print while mine sits dejectedly on an editor’s desk? When will my ship come in? Of course, the economy doesn’t help and the major slump in picture book sales doesn’t do much for my career either. But none of it explains my sudden urge to give up my writing career and my quest for publication. As the day progressed, my mood did not lighten. In fact, if anything, a dark pallor settled upon me and I shied away from the computer and books and any of the things connected with the industry. Bunny eat bunny, indeed. I felt like I had been chewed up and spit out by Peter and Benjamin Bunny both.

When my work time rolled around,(daughter’s nap time)I realized it was time to take a good hard look at myself and my work. Admittedly, some of my manuscripts could use another revision, but some of them are spot on. As I sat amidst the gloom of my shaded bedroom ignoring all media outlets, I thought about those manuscripts that don’t need more work. The ones I truly believe are ready. These works of mine were composed of passion and a burning need to create. I realized I couldn’t stop writing if I tried. And why bother writing if it is not for the world to see? No, I am NOT ready to give up. Perseverance is key. With a little luck, a lot of persistence and the talent I know I possess, I will get more bites, I will see my work in print and I will not be quitting anytime soon! So, bunny eat bunny, or dog eat dog, I am the alpha and I refuse to lose.

So now, with new conviction, I have forced my doubts aside. I will keep moving forward against a tide which keeps pushing me back. Because I know my stuff is worthy and one day I will find that editor or agent who believes it too.

Now, my only hope is that the day comes while I’m still living and breathing. It would be just my luck that my writing finally comes to fruition posthumously in an Emily Dickenson sort of way. I guess I am still holding on to a few teensy weensy doubts. But hey, I’m still writing; are you?

THREE DREADED WORDS; SHOW, DON'T TELL!

When I first began my writing career, these three words: SHOW, DON’T TELL, grated on me worse than fingernails down a blackboard. I just didn’t get it. Time and again, I thought, “I am TELLING a story! What is the problem?” Then somewhere down the line I finally figured it out. It didn’t come to me like a sudden epiphany, but at some point, it all started to make sense. And when it did, I realized just how important those three words really are to a well-written story.

Let me begin by saying my first impression was wrong. As a writer, I thought I was supposed to simply TELL a great story. Not so. I soon learned that my job isn’t to TELL a story, but to thrust my reader smack-dab into the action where they can experience it first-hand. As you can imagine, much of my early work read more like a newscast where the reader understood my story, but never connected with it.

Here's an example:

Then suddenly, after all this time, Annie received a letter from Grandma’s lawyer, Mr. Barclay, asking her to come to Charlotte Immediately. Daddy was in trouble and he knew a way that she could help. She immediately called Mark. He was overjoyed and agreed to meet her at the bus station the next day.

The above paragraph came from page 2 of a manuscript. Page 1 was filled with backmatter. But that's another article for another day. From it, you get the basic gist of what is going on but not the whole picture. You understand only what I’ve TOLD you, but you probably don’t feel like a part of it. Because I’ve left you on the outside looking in, you’re unattached. You have no real feel for Annie, her Dad, Mark or the situation.

Now, here’s the rewrite:

Four years after Annie’s last visit to Charlotte, she received a letter.

Dear Annie,

My name is Ambrose Barclay and I was retained as legal counsel by your late Grandmother, Theodora Davis, before her death. It has recently come to my attention that her property at 582 Magnolia Drive, which is presently inhabited by your Father, Maxwell Davis, will soon go into foreclosure. Due to legal matters and a secret trust set up by my client, I ask that you, as beneficiary, come to Charlotte immediately to stop these proceedings.

Annie booked a ticket for the next day then called her old friend Mark.

“Hello,” Mark’s familiar voice shot through the line.

“Hi, Mark, it’s Annie.”

“Annie! Great hearing from you. What’s going on?”

“Well, it looks like something’s happening at Grandma’s place.”

“Yeah,” Mark agreed. “Something sure isn’t right over there. The place is practically falling apart.”

Annie blinked back tears. Gran had been so meticulous.

“I bet Dad’s gold-digging wife has something to do with it," she said. "I’m heading there tomorrow on the bus. Can I stay at your house?”

“Hey, that’d be great!” Mark answered. “I’ll pick you up at the station.”

From the rewrite, you get a lot more than just the gist of the situation. Instead of TELLING you what happened, I’ve SHOWN you and let you experience it first-hand the same way the main character does. You know exactly what happened and, if I've done my job right, you should feel some sort of attachment to the story that you didn’t feel upon reading the original.

One way I SHOWED in the rewrite is with the use of dialog. In the real world, information is usually passed from one person to the next by the use of language. In books and stories, dialog is a great way to give information too. But make sure it is realistic and not an information dump. (See article: Dialog Despair.) Another way I SHOWED more than TOLD is by sharing the media-related info with you. Instead of telling you about the contents of Annie’s letter, I actually let you read it; or at least the important parts.

SHOWING instead of TELLING takes practice, but once you get into the habit, you shouldn’t have any trouble. Here are a few tips to help you recognize areas where you might be TELLING and how to change it to SHOWING:

- Don’t TELL your reader how a character feels.

Example: Martha was disappointed when her Dad didn’t make it to the party.

Instead, SHOW Martha’s disappointment through her words and actions:

Example: Martha wore a fake smile as she said goodbye to her guests. She shut the door behind the last one and leaned against it. “He didn’t make it, again.”

- Never tell the reader what another character says.

Example: Kevin’s Mom said he could go to the park with Ron.

Instead, show the exchange.

Example: “Mom, can I go to the park with Ron?” Kevin asked.
“Sure,” Mom answered.

- Watch out for those unnecessary adverbs.

Example: He walked dejectedly away from the jeering crowd.

Instead, show his feelings without the crutch of a flimsy adverb. Beef it up.

Example: Head hung low, he left the jeering crowd for the safety of home.

So, if you want to be a better writer, stop TELLING stories. Instead, breathe some life into them and SHOW the world the exciting tales that stem from your imagination. Let your reader experience the excitement, the drama, and the emotion as it occurs. Because after all, readers don't want to just read a story, they want to live it!

-Niki Masse Schoenfeldt

FIRST LINES; ARE YOU HOOKED?

In my last post, FIRST LINES; YOU ONLY GET ONE CHANCE TO MAKE A FIRST IMPRESSION, I blogged about first lines in differing genres. In some recent conferences I attended, first lines in longer works was a subject that came up more than once. It seems “the hook” is a tool used more and more by today’s novelists to snare you and drag you into their work right from the very start. As someone who has written mostly picture book manuscripts, I wondered how this technique plays out in shorter pieces. In my humble opinion, I think the first line of an 800 word or less story must have every bit of impact as it does in a full-length novel and then some. In a picture book, every word must be chosen carefully and be important toward moving the story along. After all, there is no room for heavy description, back story, or explanations. You must tell a strong, compelling tale in a simple, straightforward form. And yet, amidst that simplicity, there must be fun and excitement. Not an easy task. Therefore, grabbing your audience from the get-go seems like a no brainer. The picture book market is tough right now. The economy has thrown in its own wrench and competition is fierce. If you want your wok to catch the eye of and editor or agent in these tough times, you need to get them on the hook before they even have a chance to swallow the bait.

In my last post, I listed the first lines from numerous picture books taken from my own bookshelf. What did you think? Did they all grab your attention and make you want to read on, or did some fall short? I realize this is a subjective exercise, but I’d like to share my assessments with you. Remember, these books are ones I have purchased and enjoy. (Which means I’m a fan of all them.) I want to look at these first lines as though I am an editor/agent and have just pulled them from my slush pile. Remember, I’ve got lots to go through and my time is valuable. In order for me to continue reading and considering, there has to be something in these first lines that grabs me. (I’m liking this role way too much. Pinch me and remind me who I really am.) So here goes:

WE’RE GOING ON A BEAR HUNT by Michael Rosen: We’re going on a bear hunt.
*Same as the title. Doesn’t hook me, but makes me think that I haven’t given it a chance, so I would probably read a little more to see where it’s going.

THE VERY HUNGRY CATERPILLAR by Eric Carle: In the light of the moon, a little egg lay on a leaf.
*This one piques my curiosity; especially if I look at it from a child’s viewpoint. Little kids think of eggs in terms of birds and nests. I think they would want to know what an egg is doing laying on a leaf at night. I probably would continue.

GOODNIGHT MOON by Margaret Wise Brown: In the great green room, there was a telephone and a red balloon.
*Other than the musical quality of this line, I think it is rather boring. Not much is happening and there doesn’t seem to be anything out of the ordinary. Not sure I’d continue. Don’t see a hook here. (And boy would I be wrong! This is a classic favorite!)

SNOWMEN AT NIGHT BY Carolyn Buehner: One wintry day I made a snowman, very round and tall.
*This is a tough one. I think for stories in verse, it is not so much the first line, but the whole first verse which should be considered. This first line doesn’t have much impact, but the second line, which is part of the first verse, definitely piques my curiosity and makes me want to read more: “The next day when I saw him, he was not the same at all!”

I LOVE YOU STINKY FACE by Lisa McCourt: Mama said, “I love you, my wonderful child.”
*This is a really cute book. I love it and my kids love it, but this first line is dull. No hook.

BEAR SNORES ON by Karma Wilson: In a cave in the woods, in his deep, dark lair, through the long, cold winter sleeps a great brown bear.
*Although there isn’t much happening here, the way it was written really catches my interest. I want to read on to find out what goes on in that deep, dark lair! I’m hooked.

THE CAT IN THE HAT BY Dr. Seuss: The sun did not shine.
*This book is written in verse too. However, nothing about the first sentence has a musical or lyrical quality to it that would make me realize this. Taking only that first simple sentence into consideration, I’d say, no hook. But if I consider the whole first verse, written in three simple sentences, it does make me wonder what these kids are going to do to liven up the day. Here’s the whole verse: The sun did not shine. It was too wet to play. So we sat in the house all that cold, cold, wet day.

STREGA NONA by Tomie dePaola: In a town in Calabria, a long time ago, there lived an old lady everyone called Strega Nona, which meant “Grandma Witch.”
*This seems like a lot of information thrown into one sentence, but the “witch” part did catch my attention.

FANCY NANCY by Jane O’Connor: I love being fancy.
*This is the opposite of the above. It seems kind of vague. However, I can’t help but wonder where this is going and am compelled to continue. I’m hooked.

HENRY’S FREEDOM BOX by Ellen Levine: Henry Brown wasn’t sure how old he was.
*What kind of person doesn’t know how old he is? I must read on and find out. Hooked.

THE WRIGGLY, WRIGGLY BABY by Jessica Clerk: Once there was a baby who wriggled real bad.
*This is also a book written in verse and the first line is only part of that first verse. But even so, this first line has got me wondering about this wriggly baby. I want to find out more. Hooked.

HOW THE GRINCH STOLE CHRISTMAS! By Dr. Seuss: Every Who down in Who-ville liked Christmas a lot, but the Grinch, who lived just north of Who-ville, did NOT!
*The hook is sunk deep for this one. Of course I must read on. I have to find out who on earth is the Grinch and how could he possibly not love Christmas?!!! This is the best first line of all the books listed.

AMELIA AND ELEANOR GO FOR A RIDE by Pam Munoz Ryan: Amelia and Eleanor were birds of a feather.
*Not a very compelling hook, but a hook nonetheless. At this point I’m not sure who Amelia and Eleanor are, but I am curious to know what makes them birds of a feather.

HOW DO DINOSAURS SAY GOOD NIGHT? By Jane Yolen: How does a dinosaur say good night when Papa comes in to turn off the light?
*Well, I don’t think this hook has caught me by the throat, but it definitely captures my curiosity. I mean, how does a dinosaur say goodnight? And do they have fathers who tuck them in?!

YOU FORGOT YOUR SKIRT, AMELIA BLOOMER! By Shana Corey: Amelia Bloomer was NOT a proper lady.
*Who was Amelia Bloomer and what did she do that was improper? I’m hooked, tell me more.

And of course, my own first line from NATURE’S LULLABY: “Hurry,” Grandpa whispered, “the night creatures are getting ready to sing!”
*Okay, as I’ve mentioned, this first lines thing is new to me. When I started looking at first lines, I didn’t even remember what the opening line of my book was, or how I’d fare. Needless to say, I think I did fairly well. Grandpa is obviously hurrying someone along and he’s whispering, so he’s definitely got my attention. But now I also need to find out about the night creatures are and why they are singing. Hopefully you want to know too. If so, you can buy my book and I’ll happily send you an autographed copy! (She shamelessly plugs her own work.)

All in all, I thought this was an interesting exercise and I enjoyed applying it to the PB genre. I think it gave me a small glimpse into what editors/agents might look for when they pick up a manuscript, knowing they have hundreds more to sift through. Not an easy job. Something needs to stand out in order for them to keep reading. And yet, sometimes, because of a bad first line, they just might end up passing on the next HARRY POTTER. (I would have passed on GOODNIGHT MOON and we all know how that one turned out.) Let’s face it, not all best sellers have killer beginnings. Editors/Agents aren’t infallible. They, like us writers, are only human.

So what I’ve learned and what I hope to pass on to you is that we absolutely MUST hook that editor/agent from the get-go if we want a fair shake. From the very first line we NEED to make them want more. There’s an old saying that says, “leave them begging for more.” As a writer competing in this difficult bunny eat bunny world of publishing, that must be our motto. For every word you write, for every story you conceive, put it together in such a way that you’ve left them begging for more. After all, once that awesome book makes the NYT Bestseller list, there could always be room for a sequel!

-Niki Masse Schoenfeldt

FIRST LINES; YOU ONLY GET ONE CHANCE TO MAKE A FIRST IMPRESSION

Lately it seems I’ve been hearing a lot about first lines. This is something I’ve never really given much thought to. And yet, if you stop and think about it, your first line is the first glimpse an editor or agent will see of your manuscript. If you can wow them from the very first line you just might end up standing out in the crowd. The crowd being the other thousands of manuscripts that run across that editor/agent’s desk. Even if your book isn’t picked up, you have hopefully left a lasting impression and that editor/agent will remember your name and look forward to your next submission.

At the recent SCBWI Winter Conference, Bruce Hale gave us his best advice in writing for middle graders. His number one rule was “grab them from the get go.” Mr. Hale believes the opening line must be your hook. He quoted the first line from CHARLOTE’S WEB by E.B. White as an example: “Where’s Papa going with that axe?”

At the SCBWI-Carolinas Conference this fall, I had the pleasure of attending Mark Johnston’s workshop called: TENSION: Where the Story Begins. He, like Mr. Hale thinks tension should begin as early as possible. He shared with us first lines from other award-winning works. Here are a few of them:

HAMLET by William Shakespeare: “Who’s there?”

Holes by Louis Sachar: There is no lake at Camp Greenlake.

HARRY POTTER by J.K. Rowling: Mr. and Mrs. Dursley, of number four, Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much.

By beginning your story with tension, you immediately involve the reader. You’ve piqued their curiosity and thus forced them to delve deeper into your work, in order to find answers. It is obvious from these examples, this is a tried and true technique used by the pros and proven by the popularity of their best-selling novels. But does the same apply to shorter works?

As a writer who has been primarily involved in the picture book genre I can’t help but wonder how this same technique might apply there. Coming up with a whole story, including a beginning, middle and end in 800 words or less is no easy task. It seems to me the first line has even more relevance in this genre and must make a greater impact. Therefore, I decided to take a look at the first lines of some of my old favorites and even some popular contemporary titles. Here they are:

WE’RE GOING ON A BEAR HUNT by Michael Rosen: We’re going on a bear hunt.

THE VERY HUNGRY CATERPILLAR by Eric Carle: In the light of the moon, a little egg lay on a leaf.

GOODNIGHT MOON by Margaret Wise Brown: In the great green room, there was a telephone and a red balloon.

SNOWMENT AT NIGHT BY Caralyn Buehner: One wintry day I made a snowman, very round and tall.

I LOVE YOU STINKY FACE by Lisa McCourt: Mama said, “I love you, my wonderful child.”

BEAR SNORES ON by Karma Wilson: In a cave in the woods, in his deep, dark lair, through the long, cold winter sleeps a great brown bear.

THE CAT IN THE HAT BY Dr. Seuss: The sun did not shine.

STREGA NONA by Tomie dePaola: In a town in Calabria, a long time ago, there lived an old lady everyone called Strega Nona, which meant “Grandma Witch.”

FANCY NANCY by Jane O’Connor: I love being fancy.

HENRY’S FREEDOM BOX by Ellen Levine: Henry Brown wasn’t sure how old he was.

THE WRIGGLY, WRIGGLY BABY by Jessica Clerk: Once there was a baby who wriggled real bad.

HOW THE GRINCH STOLE CHRISTMAS! By Dr. Seuss: Every Who down in Who-ville liked Christmas a lot, but the Grinch, who lived just north of Who-ville, did NOT!

AMELIA AND ELEANOR GO FOR A RIDE by Pam Munoz Ryan: Amelia and Eleanor were birds of a feather.

HOW DO DINOSAURS SAY GOOD NIGHT? By Jane Yolen: How does a dinosaur say good night when Papa comes in to turn off the light?

YOU FORGOT YOUR SKIRT, AMELIA BLOOMER! By Shana Corey: Amelia Bloomer was NOT a proper lady.

And of course, my own first line from NATURE’S LULLABY: “Hurry,” Grandpa whispered, “the night creatures are getting ready to sing!”

In my next post, I’ll be sharing my thoughts and conclusions. I think, looking at books in this context, or first line mentality, is an interesting way to analyze my own work. That said, I’d very much like to know your take on first lines in picture books. Do these opening sentences grab you from the get-go? Do they plop you into the tension immediately? Do they pique your interest, and make you want to read more? Do some of them fall a little short on the excitement factor? If so, why? How do you think this exercise might affect your work? Do you care to share some of your own first lines?

Please add your wonderful insights to the comments section of this post and be sure to involve your friends. As the picture book market slumps with the economy, it is harder and harder to find a publisher willing to take a chance on such an expensive endeavor. Could your first line be the difference between a contract and a rejection? Let’s find out together.

-Niki Schoenfeldt

ABUNDANTLY ADVERB

Editors often say the mark of a novice fiction writer can be characterized by the use of too many -ly verbs. And yet, even some of the most seasoned professionals find themselves relapsing into the adverb abyss. Why? Well, there are many reasons, but the most basic is probably because –ly verbs are easy. They are quick fixes tossed in to tell the reader how something feels or why something is happening without showing the degree or extent. Here’s an example:

Tim walked quietly into the room.

From this sentence the reader is aware that Tim entered the room without making sound. It gets the point across, but it skirts Tim’s real actions by not showing what measures he takes in order to be quiet. If the writer stopped to think of what actions constitute a quiet entrance, the same sentence might read like this:

Tim tiptoed into the room.

In this improved version, the reader has a better knowledge of the scene and what is taking place. It is no longer a boring read and includes realism and drama.

Another place adverbs habitually appear is within tag lines. (See article: DIALOG DESPAIR below.) In an attempt at creativity writers may actually weaken their character’s dialog while committing high treason in the writing world. Use of these adverbs go against the number one rule; show, don’t tell. Here’s an example:

“That was close,” Susan said breathlessly.

The writer tells us Susan is breathless, but the text would be stronger if the writer showed Susan’s breathlessness through her words and actions.

“Whew! That was close,” Susan said, stopping to catch her breath.

Sometimes adverbs are used alongside already strong action verbs. As if that weren’t bad enough, they are often partnered with those that hold the same meaning. Here are a few examples:

He clenched his fists tightly.

The amplifier blared loudly.

In both these cases the writer clutters the sentences by repeating the same facts. In the first one, the verb “clenched” means to tightly hold together. By adding the adverb “tightly” to it, the writer has defined the verb for the reader. In the second example the same is true. The verb “blared” means to make a loud, harsh noise. Adding the adverb “loudly” is redundant and talks down to the reader.

By deleting these adverbs the sentences are easier to read and make a stronger impact. You will find this to be the case in most areas where adverbs make unnecessary appearances. A quick way to tell if an adverb is important is to read the sentence, skipping over the questioning word. If the adverb isn’t missed and the sentence works just as well without it, it should be deleted.

-Ly verbs are also frequently used to segue action or new scenes. The most familiar is probably the word “suddenly” . If you are one who punctuates with too many exclamation points to help build excitement, you may also be guilty of the suddenly segue. Here’s an example:

Suddenly, a loud boom split the night!

The word suddenly means to happen quickly or unexpectedly. By writing short, action packed sequences you can easily convey “suddenly”. Here’s how:

Boom! An explosion split the night. The ground shook and the sky lit up.

In fiction, adverbs often take away rather than add to your work. Therefore, a conscientious writer will look to correct these slip-ups. So, before sending your manuscript off to that dream agent or editor, click the “find” button on your word processor and type in –ly. How many hits do you get? Look them over. Make sure they are legitimate and not in the league of those noted above. A few simple corrections can positively boost your sales and constructively confirm your professionalism.

-Niki Schoenfeldt

UP, DOWN, ALL AROUND; Directional Crutches

Have you ever stopped a stranger on the street to ask for directions and then wished you hadn’t? More than once I’ve been unfortunate enough to ask someone for help who is extremely happy to direct me on the long and circuitous route. During their lengthy and confusing diatribe, my head starts spinning in every direction except the one I want to go. It takes all my energy to suppress the urge to slap them in order to get them to stop. This is much the feeling a reader gets when a writer fills the pages of a good story with unnecessary direction. Directional crutches, as I like to call them, are a problem most of us unconsciously do. We try so hard to keep our readers moving in the right direction we sometimes become oblivious to the obvious.

The concept of over-direction is simple really. Most movements or motions our characters do can speak for themselves and really don’t need any direction thrown in for good measure. For instance, consider the following sentence:

Margaret sat down in the chair to ponder her situation.

The directional crutch here is the word “down”. The simple fact that Margaret sat, states the obvious. When she did so, it was in a downward direction. Therefore, use of the word “down” is not needed. The sentence should simply read:

Margaret sat in the chair to ponder her situation.

If most of your story is peppered with directional crutches similar to the one mentioned above, it can become an irritating nuisance to the reader, making them feel as though you’re talking down to them. Remember, your readers aren’t brainless and they don’t need your help understanding simple concepts. By removing these needless crutches, your text will read stronger and easier. Not to mention a lowered word count! Here are a few more examples:

Ed went out to the porch to have a smoke.

Gordon stood up and brushed the dirt from his pants.

Maria turned around in circles until she was dizzy.

In the first one, Ed goes out to the porch. If he was in the house prior, then it is obvious he went “out” in order to get to the porch. The word “out” is pointless and can be cut.

In the next one, Gordon stood to brush dirt from his pants. If he was in a crouched or kneeling position to begin with, then when he stands it can be assumed he does so in an upward motion. Use of the word “up” is needless and can be deleted.

In Maria’s instance, she is turning in circles. Since, when in the act of doing circles, it is assumed you are moving “around” in a circular manner, it is not necessary to point that out to the reader. This is another directional crutch that can be stricken from the text. The new and improved sentences should read like this:

Ed went to the porch to have a smoke.

Gordon stood and brushed the dirt from his pants.

Maria turned circles until she was dizzy.

As you have likely figured out by now, there is often no need to state the obvious in your writing. Give the reader some credit and let their imaginations be guided by your words. Be creative, be intense, but stick to the point. Tell a good story in a simple manner and your readers will come back for more. Don’t worry, they’ll find their way.

-Niki Schoenfeldt

VERB PICKING

I recently took my children apple picking. As a native New Englander, apple picking was a customary fall event during my childhood and my southern-transplanted children were excited to give it a try. Trudging through the apple strewn orchard, we came upon a sign with a diagram that showed how each row of trees contained a different variety. This sent my kids scurrying down the rows, snatching apples to sample each one. Apparently they liked them all.

“Which ones should we pick?” they asked.

“Well,” I explained, “it depends what you want to do with them. Cortlands are good for baking, MacIntosh are great for applesauce and Macouns are just excellent eating.”

Choosing the right variety for our needs was an important decision. In fact, it could be the difference between a good pie and an awesome pie. Similar in the way choosing the right verb can be the difference between a good story and a great one.

Think about it. An action sequence interspersed with normal, run-of-the-mill verbs is a good read. But change those everyday words into creative ones and suddenly that action is popping off the page.

Here’s a quick example :(Good)Johnny ran home with the barking pack of dogs biting at his ankles. (Popping) Jonny sprinted home with the snarling pack of dogs tearing at his ankles.

By using a less common verb, you can bring more excitement to your pages. Anybody can run, but great characters sprint, dash, dart, and race from danger. How do I know? My thesaurus told me so. Not only do I take advantage of my computer’s built-in version, but when that doesn’t satisfy me I have two or three dog-eared varieties on the shelf for further reference.

Sometimes I wonder if I’ve become too dependent on it. Could I write a creative scene without my loyal lexicon? I know if I sat and thought long and hard enough, I’d eventually come up with my own synonyms and antonyms, but whose got time for that? A Thesaurus saves me time. Time I can use to concentrate on my story instead of on specific words. It’s an invaluable tool and if you don’t make good use of one, give it a try.

As writers, our goal is to create memorable characters full of unique charm and appeal who do thrilling and exhilarating things. (Note the use of my trusty thesaurus.) Therefore, we must go that extra mile for our readers and make our words explode from the page. After all, do we want them to like our work, or do we want them to love it?

-Niki Schoenfeldt

By the way, we ended up picking the Macouns. My kids didn’t care about pies and applesauce. They wanted an apple worth sinking their teeth into; instant gratification.

DIALOG DESPAIR

I recently read a book I was doing for review. With review copy, I pay closer attention and tend to analyze more. As I delved deeper and deeper into the pages, something started to nag at me, but I couldn’t figure out what it was. The writing was fairly tight, the story was decent and the characters were fully developed. And yet, something kept sticking in my craw.

Finally, while reading a passage that was particularly heavy on dialog, it hit me. In a recent workshop I attended on “VOICE” with Greenwillow Editor, Martha Mihalick, she used a word that stuck with me. That word was “authentic”. I realized that many areas of dialog in the book did not seem authentic. The words shared between the characters did not flow naturally. Although this author is obviously a talented writer and storyteller, this unrealistic interaction took away from the authenticity of her work.

For me, dialog is often harder to write than descriptive narrative or action scenes. I find myself stopping more often to reread what I’ve written and catch myself speaking the words out loud in a way I imagine the characters would say them. I want my dialog to sound natural, and yet, still manage to pull my story forward. This is no easy task. Here are some of the snags I think we writers find ourselves up against when writing dialog.

Use of –ly adverbs in tag lines.

Example: “His dog is dying,” John said grimly.

By using the word “grimly” the writer is giving emotion to the speaker that would be better off shown in the dialog. Remember the number one rule in writing; show, don’t tell! If the author has written the passage successfully, then the grimness of the situation would hold its own. The proper tag for most dialogs is simply “said”. The point of a tag is to let the reader identify who is speaking. By sprinkling in all sorts of creative adverbs, the reader must pause to focus on them, whereas the word "said" is often skipped past, making a smoother transition.

Using impossible tags.

Example: “Oh, no!” Sandra Cried. “He’s getting away.”

Since it is virtually impossible to “cry” a word, this tag line makes no sense. And yet, it is one that is commonly used. Stop and think about your tag. Words like frown, smile, growl, or sneer cannot be done during the act of speech. Keep it simple.


Beginning dialog with the tag line.

Example: Sara asked, “Where have you been?”
There is more excitement and impact shown by switching it around to read: “Where have you been?” Sara asked.

Excessive name-dropping.

Example: “Hi, Charlene,” Adam said. “How are you?”
“Hi, Adam,” Charlene answered. “I’m fine. How are you?
“I’m great, Charlene, thanks for asking.”
“Glad to hear it, Adam. See you later.”

In a real conversation, Adam and Charlene wouldn’t repeat each other’s names after making initial contact. Sometimes writers intersperse names into conversations as an attempt to clarify who is speaking. This is not necessary if the dialog is written properly.


As a final note, I want to point out where dialog can be a great problem solver. Remember that rule I mentioned earlier? Show, don’t tell. Dialog can be a wonderful tool in avoiding that issue. Instead of telling the reader your character is angry, use dialog to show it.

Example: (Telling) Norman was angry when Marcus dropped the anvil
on his toe.
(Showing) “Darn it, Marcus!” Norman yelled, “You dropped that anvil
on my toe!”

So as you write that New York Times Bestseller, keep these little glitches in mind and do your best to avoid them. Read your dialog out loud to yourself or someone else. The words are often different to the ear than they appear on paper. Listening is the key to authenticity. Keep it real.

-Niki Schoenfeldt

WRITE WHAT YOU KNOW, WHICH ISN'T MUCH

One of the first rules in writing is, WRITE WHAT YOU KNOW. It makes sense, but sometimes I feel inhibited by that. I mean, think about what makes a good story. High drama, with a dash of trouble and a dose of fear. When a character is struggling and his/her life goes from bad to worse, you’ve got a thrilling page-turner and better yet, a best seller.

So, from a literary perspective, I guess you could say my life is boring. If I adhere strictly to the “write what you know” rule, I could fill pages upon pages with lackluster tidbits and mind-numbing compositions that nobody would care to read. In order to write a spine-tingling novel do I have to immerse myself in international intrigue, drugs, kidnappings, and other violent pursuits or is there another way?

Because I write for children I try to think back to difficult times from my own childhood. I stop and reflect, looking for the juiciest bits of scandal I can recall, and I hate to say it, but I usually come up empty. Unfortunately, I had a good childhood. No major beatings, no divorce, no illness, no deaths no life altering anything. (Thank the Good Lord) So how can I possibly write what I know when I obviously know nothing?

So I must make do with what I have. I draw from the resources I’ve been given. My life. My wonderful, run-of-the-mill, all-American childhood. A childhood I would never give up or trade. Yet, a childhood I can totally destroy on the pages of a book! Yes, you read it right, I said destroy. I can find the anguish and suspense to fill the pages of a story by throwing a wrench into my own happy memories.

Here’s an example: When I was five I had a cat named Alphabets O’Malley, who loved mac and cheese. I begged my parents to let me have that cat and when they finally relented, Alphie and I lived happily together, sharing spoonfuls of mac and cheese, for the next thirteen years. But, by throwing a wrench into this memory, I can come up with a more exciting plot twist.

Here’s what I mean: Within days of Alphie’s adoption, he got hit by a car and died in my arms. But that was not the end. His little kitty ghost roamed the neighborhood stealing boxes of mac and cheese. Eventually, the whole town became mac and cheeseless. Little children cried for their favorite pasta to no avail. I had to stop my poor misguided feline phantom from seizing the world’s mac and cheese supply!

Now I’ll admit, I might have gone a little overboard in the imagination department with this one, but I think you’ll agree, nobody but me could write that story. I was the little girl who shared her mac and cheese with a beloved pet. Therefore, only I know how it would have felt to lose him so soon. Only I can truly show how passionate Alphie was for cheese-smothered noodles because I was the one who knew him best. As ridiculous as my story may sound, I’m the only one who can really explain the terror of it. Because, had it really gone down that way, I know how deeply I would have been affected.

So there you have it. Write what you know. I know my life isn’t storybook material. But, as a fiction writer, a good wrench can turn any existence into an electrifying journey. Give it a shot.