UNIQUE GIRLS GROW TO BE EMPOWERED WOMEN

I, like my 2 year old daughter, and many other little girl's across the country am a HUGE fan of the Fancy Nancy books by Jane O'Connor. I find them fun and cute and my daughter, who can be a little diva in her own right, adores them for the same silly reason. In our home, we tend to devour Fancy Nancy and other books like it where a wonderfully independent female character refuses to conform and pushes forth her own brand of uniqueness. I recently had the opportunity to review a great picture book, UNIQUE MONIQUE for Curled Up With a Good Kid’s Book. You can see it here:

http://www.curledupkids.com/uniquemo.html

In it, Monique is tired of being just like everyone else, so like every independent woman should, she takes matters into her own hands and proves just how unique she really is.

This apparently struck a chord with my daughter who, during a recent shopping expedition, thrilled at the chance to look just like Monique! I know, seems more copy cat-like than unique, but her reaction, which came many months after discovering Maria Rousaki’s engaging young feminist, Monique, showed me that the character’s strong-will resonated and stuck with my little one. As she grows and moves from toddlerdom to little girl and then (sob) young lady, I hope Monique’s influence will stay with her. I hope that she, and many other little girls, will stand strong and strive to make their own unique way in this world.

There are many great books out there that I think encourage little ladies to grow up feeling empowered. Books that prove they can make a difference. Here are a few of my favorites:

AMELIA & ELEANOR GO FOR A RIDE by Pam Munoz Ryan & illustrated by Brian Selznick
YOU FORGOT YOUR SKIRT AMELIA BLOOMER! By Shana Corey & Illustrated by Chesley Mclaren
MOSES by Carole Boston Weatherford & illustrated by Kadir Nelson
I COULD DO THAT! By Linda Arms White & illustrated by Nancy Carpenter
THE BALLOT BOX BATTLE by Emily Arnold McCully
FANNIE IN THE KITCHEN by Deborah Hopkinson & illustrated by Nancy Carpenter
A IS FOR ABIGAIL by Lynne Cheney & illustrated by Robin Preiss Glasser

I too, have a few manuscripts that I hope will one day offer their own brand of encouragement for the little ladies. In the meantime, I’m still awaiting “the call” with a contract offer for them. Someday, I anticipate my own books will stand tall alongside those listed above. Of course, when that day comes, I will certainly let you know.

Girlpower!

Niki Masse Schoenfeldt

IT'S ALL SUBJECTIVE

In last week’s blog post, during my woe-is-me diatribe, I wrote, and I quote:

“I read lots and lots of books. Most of which are YA and PB, and let me tell you, I’ve run across quite a few stinkers in the bunch. How often have you read a book that really sucks and you wonder how on earth this person ever found someone to publish it? How often have you thought, “My stuff is way better than this?” Those are the times that seem to push me under the furthest. Even my children give me similar sentiments after reading a particularly boring or just plain senseless book. “Mom, why can’t you get published? You’re stuff is way better than this junk!”

Afterwards, I had a reader say to me. “You think a lot of what’s published today is junk?”

My immediate response was, “Of course not!” However, looking back, and reading it over, I can see how my comments may have been construed that way. For the record, let me please say there are a lot of really awesome books out there. But yes, I still think there are some that are not quite so stellar. Like with any type of media out there, some are good, some are great, and some just make you go “hmmm”. Look at it this way, I hear people say all the time that there is a lot of crap on TV. these days. And they’re right. But on the flip side, there are some really awesome shows on the air too. It’s subjective. We all see the world differently and that’s what makes us all unique.

So, to show you all that I don’t think the publishing industry is pumping out a lot of “junk” I’d like to take this opportunity to tell you about some books I’ve recently come across that I think are impressive. Some of them are widely popular, and some aren’t. But either way, these are the books I’ve read lately and thought, “Yes, outstanding!” These are the books that, in my opinion, captured not just the eye of an editor, but their heart and soul too.


I AIN’T GONNA PAINT NO MORE! Written by Karen Beaumont and illustrated by David Catrow is an amazingly brilliant and fun book. With just enough naughtiness to keep your little one giggling this very cute picture book is one you and your kids will want to read again and again!


ALLEY LOO, Written by C.E. Walz and illustrated by Pamela Wedel is a spooky swamp story told in verse. This colorful story has just enough intrigue to keep your little ones on the edge of their seat and just when you think it might be safe to come out in the swamp again, this author and illustrator have you running for cover!


I’M NOT AFRAID OF THIS HAUNTED HOUSE, written by Laurie Friedman and illustrated by Teresa Murfin. This scary tale of one boy’s journey into a haunted house is written in bloodcurdling verse. Take cute, fun and creepy and roll it all into one and you’ve summed up this delightfully chilling story. The twist at the end lightens the mood quickly and will earn a good hearty chuckle from all.


GONE by Michael Grant takes a good hard look at how life might be if kids ran the world. When every adult over the age of fifteen disappears, chaos reigns. As the children realize their world has shrunk down to a perimeter inside a weird dome-like enclosure they wonder if there is still life outside the FAYZ. Food is running in short supply and there is nobody to take care of the little ones. But the biggest question of all is what will happen when they turn fifteen? (HUNGER is the sequel and is available now.)


THE HUNGER GAMES by Suzanne Collins is a post apocalyptic thriller which takes reality TV. to a whole new level. When Katniss Everdeen’s sister is chosen to participate in the deadly Hunger Games, Kat quickly volunteers to take her place. But how can someone from the poor twelfth district expect to survive? (CATCHING FIRE, the sequel is due out in Sept. 2009.)


THIRTEEN REASONS WHY by Jay Asher is a powerfully moving story you won’t be able to put down. When Clay Jensen receives a strange package from his dead classmate, Hanna Baker, who committed suicide, he can’t help but be drawn in as Hannah’s voice explains the thirteen reasons why she killed herself and the part Clay and twelve other classmates played in her demise.


FLYGIRL by Sherri L. Smith is a realistic look at the life of a colored girl who dreams of getting her pilot’s license. As the war looms upon the United States, Ida Mae Jones answers Uncle Sam’s call and risks her own identity to become one of the elite few who make it into the WASP (Women Airforce Service Pilots) program. This historically accurate tale will leave you cheering for the underdog and reveling in her victory.


NATURE’S LULLABY, written by Niki Schoenfeldt and illustrated by Tray Summerall is a sweet story about a boy and his grandfather sharing a warm summer eve. From the familiar chirp of the cricket to the soulful note of the barn owl, the night come alive with song and the soothing melody puts both to sleep. But is there something sinister lurking nearby? (A little shameless self-promotion.)

I could go on and on, but I won’t. However, I have decided to run a regular feature on this blog mentioning great reads from time to time as I run across them. Again, realize “great read” is simply my own interpretation of these works. In the meantime, Kudos goes out to those writers, illustrators, editors, agents and publishers, who work tirelessly to get the AWESOME stuff out there so we readers can voraciously scoop them up. Keep the good “junk” coming!

-Niki Masse Schoenfeldt

A SAD DAY FOR A CRESTFALLEN WRITER

We’ve all heard it said, from the writer’s point of view, that this is “A Bunny Eat Bunny World,” and you know it’s true. This is not an easy profession we’ve entered into and only a few select authors can manage to support themselves with a full-time gig. I am not one of them. In fact, one day last week, I woke with the horrible conviction that it was time for me to throw in the towel. Why I felt that way, and why the feeling was so strong, I don’t know. Although there have been times in the past where the struggle toward publication felt like an uphill battle, I never reached the point where I was ready to quit; until last week. What changed? Nothing. Is my career hopeless? Maybe.

My track record is better than some and worse than others. I’ve a handful of magazine articles to my name, my first picture book (NATURE’S LULLABY) released last fall and as of today, I have three others being held for consideration at major houses. There is not a day that goes by I don’t do some form of work toward getting my manuscripts and name out there. My husband and family are very supportive and I belong to many great groups who share my passion. I also pray real hard that success will come my way. And let it be known I’m not greedy. I don’t need to be responsible for the next Harry Potter, or Twilight series. I just want my work to reach the children. I know that sounds corny, but it is truly how I feel. I read lots and lots of books. Most of which are YA and PB, and let me tell you, I’ve run across quite a few stinkers in the bunch. How often have you read a book that really sucks and you wonder how on earth this person ever found someone to publish it? How often have you thought, “My stuff is way better than this?” Those are the times that seem to push me under the furthest. Even my children give me similar sentiments after reading a particularly boring or just plain senseless book.

“Mom, why can’t you get published? You’re stuff is way better than this junk!”

Although I know they mean it as a good thing, that simple comment does major damage to my writing psyche. I mean, why IS this crap making it to print while mine sits dejectedly on an editor’s desk? When will my ship come in? Of course, the economy doesn’t help and the major slump in picture book sales doesn’t do much for my career either. But none of it explains my sudden urge to give up my writing career and my quest for publication. As the day progressed, my mood did not lighten. In fact, if anything, a dark pallor settled upon me and I shied away from the computer and books and any of the things connected with the industry. Bunny eat bunny, indeed. I felt like I had been chewed up and spit out by Peter and Benjamin Bunny both.

When my work time rolled around,(daughter’s nap time)I realized it was time to take a good hard look at myself and my work. Admittedly, some of my manuscripts could use another revision, but some of them are spot on. As I sat amidst the gloom of my shaded bedroom ignoring all media outlets, I thought about those manuscripts that don’t need more work. The ones I truly believe are ready. These works of mine were composed of passion and a burning need to create. I realized I couldn’t stop writing if I tried. And why bother writing if it is not for the world to see? No, I am NOT ready to give up. Perseverance is key. With a little luck, a lot of persistence and the talent I know I possess, I will get more bites, I will see my work in print and I will not be quitting anytime soon! So, bunny eat bunny, or dog eat dog, I am the alpha and I refuse to lose.

So now, with new conviction, I have forced my doubts aside. I will keep moving forward against a tide which keeps pushing me back. Because I know my stuff is worthy and one day I will find that editor or agent who believes it too.

Now, my only hope is that the day comes while I’m still living and breathing. It would be just my luck that my writing finally comes to fruition posthumously in an Emily Dickenson sort of way. I guess I am still holding on to a few teensy weensy doubts. But hey, I’m still writing; are you?

Win an ARC of CATCHING FIRE

We literary bloggers must stick together. Fellow blogger, A wandering Heart, is sponsoring a contest on her blog. You can win an advance reader copy of Suzanne Collins CATCHING FIRE!

CATCHING FIRE is the much talked about sequel to THE HUNGER GAMES. If you haven't yet read THE HUNGER GAMES,you're really missing out and I suggest you get yourself a copy soon. For those of you who have, remember, unless you get your hands on an ARC, you've got to wait until September 1, 2009 to find out what's next for Katniss Everdeen.

Which brings me back to my original point. For a chance to win an ARC and be among the chosen few who learn Kat's fate before the official release, go to this link:

http://confessionsofawanderingheart.blogspot.com/2009/06/contest-win-catching-fire-by-suzanne.html

and enter. I'd love to wish you luck, but I don't want to jinx the win for myself. After all, I'm hooked and I'm not really sure I can wait three months before immersing myself in a really exceptional read. Every man/woman for him/herself!

-Niki

FROM THE POWERS THAT BE

I was lucky enough to attend a small picture book conference in beautiful Beaufort, SC, last weekend. I enjoyed the fact that it was a small gathering as opposed to the massive crowds I experienced in New York back in February. There were three editors in attendance and all were very approachable. The small number of attendees made for a cozier environment and the information shared was in abundance.

Maggie Lehrman, Editor from Abrams Books for Young Readers and Amulet Books, Noa Wheeler, Associate Editor at Henry Holt Books for Young Readers and Jill Dembowski, Assistant Editor at Little Brown Books for Young Readers shared with us their knowledge and a few tips of the trade. Here is a rundown of what they had to say:

They are intrigued by old themes written with a fresh perspective. (THE TRUE STORY OF THE THREE LITTLE PIGS by Jon Scieszka) Send them humor, but not scatological (gross) humor. They are tired of farts and poop! None of them want to see any more Grandparent stories. The market is flooded with them. Too often, writers send manuscripts written more for adults. It is integral we, as writers, remember to write our stories from the kid’s perspective. After all, it is for them we are writing.

Send your work along with a well-written cover letter. Typos and misspellings make them question a manuscript before they’ve even had a chance to look at it. Be meticulous and keep it quick and to the point. Mention your published works only if they are some that the editor will recognize. If your work has been published in your school newspaper, leave it out. Don’t compare your work to that of other best-selling books. (My book will be the next Harry Potter!) Use a simple font; twelve point, Times New Roman is best.

Keep the text of your manuscript short. Remember, picture books have pictures! Leave room for the illustration to pick up some of the story. Say a lot with a few words. Every word you write in a picture book must count. There is no room for weedy words or long description in this genre. Try to keep your manuscripts around five hundred words or less. (HUSH LITTLE DRAGON by Kelly Murphy is only 200 words.) Take a picture book you like and type it out. See how it looks on the page and try and adapt your own work in the same way.

Poetry is a tough sell. Rhyme and rhythm is hard to do and even harder to do well. There is always room for stories in rhyme, but most are picked up by authors who already have a reputation in that area.

If your book has silly or strange elements, make sure they aren’t there simply for nonsense sake. Somehow, somewhere you book needs to be grounded in reality. Even nonsense has to make sense.

As most of you know, the picture book market has fallen drastically from where it was a few years back. Of course, the present economy doesn’t help. However, all represented imprints are still acquiring material. But be aware, they are VERY selective about what they publish. Your submission must stand out, have marketability and most important, it must have staying power. It takes a long time for a picture book to make money. Your publisher wants it to stay in print long enough to be profitable. Publishing is a business after all.

And finally, all editors agree; the best thing you can do to get your work published is to GET AN AGENT.

-Niki Masse Schoenfeldt

Carole Boston Weatherford dishes about her new book; BECOMING BILLIE HOLIDAY

Carole,

I’m honored to have you here at The Fractured Keyboard. I read your new book, BECOMING BILLIE HOLIDAY, in less than a day. I’m normally not a fan of books in verse, but I couldn’t put yours down. What made you choose to write this book in verse instead of simple prose?
Billie Holiday conveyed enormous emotion in her small voice. Poetry was the ideal medium to capture the lyricism of her life story and the mood of her music.

What inspired you to write about Billie Holiday and why as a YA and not a PB like some of your other biographies? (I, MATTHEW HENSON – BEFORE JOHN WAS A JAZZ GIANT – JESSE OWENS: FASTEST MAN ALIVE – MOSES)
Billie Holiday is my muse and she enlisted me to write the book. She lived an R-rated life. So that ruled out a picture book.

Was there anything you learned during your research that challenged or changed your perceptions about Billie?
I did get to know her a bit better. I discovered that she loved movies and read pulp fiction, that she loved dogs and hated insects. She was a hopeless romantic beneath her street-smart exterior.

An illustrated novel for Young Adults is not the norm. How did the decision to include illustrations in your book come about?
That was the publisher’s decision—and a good one, if I do say so myself.

Floyd Cooper’s artwork is amazing. Did you choose him to illustrate BECOMING BILLIE HOLIDAY? Has he illustrated any of your other books? The publisher chose Floyd Cooper. Becoming Billie holiday was our first collaboration. I hope for another chance to work together.

How long did it take to complete BECOMING BILLIE HOLIDAY, from concept to final release?
About two and a half years.

Why did you end the book in the middle of Billie Holiday's career?I wanted end on a high note rather than to rehash Billie Holiday's heartbreaking decline. At the peak of her fame, 25-year-old Billie could not have imagined that she would die broke at age 44 of liver failure due to drug and alcohol abuse. But she may have sensed that her legacy would endure through her music.

BECOMING BILLIE HOLIDAY, like most of your books, is very powerful. In fact, one poem in particular held a certain resonance or punch for me. It is the one called AIN’T NOBODY’S BUSINESS IF I DO. I felt it summed up the lives of so many American youth. Do you hope to inspire these children with your writing? Billie Holiday, who was born Eleanora Fagan, used art to transcend her circumstances—poverty, parental neglect, rape, racism, and domestic abuse. Perhaps Eleanora suffered so Billie Holiday could sing.

How many books have you published? Are they all for children?
I have 32 books, 27 of which are for young people.

Can you tell us a little bit about your path to publication? Were there any hurdles along the way?
I got my first two contracts by dropping names in cover letters. I knew somebody who knew somebody. My first book, JUNTEENTH JAMBOREE, was published by Lee and Low in 1995. I struck options clauses from contracts and proceeded as a free agent, submitting my work to various houses as I worked my way up the industry’s feeding chain. Awards helped me get my foot in the door even though my subject matter was sometimes obscure. Perseverance has been key to my success. I just keep plugging until some editor sees the potential or value in what I have written.

I notice MOSES was published by Jump At The Sun/Hyperion. That is a closed house. Can you tell us how you got them to look at your manuscript?
An editor called to invite me to submit.

Is there a discussion/reading guide available for MOSES and some of your other titles?
There are study guides for several of my books. I provide links from my web site: www.caroleweatherford.com.

Thank you so much for stopping by The Fractured Keyboard! It’s been a pleasure having you here with us today. On behalf of myself and everyone who pops in, we wish you the best of luck with BECOMING BILLIE HOLIDAY. As usual, I really think you’ve got a winner!

-Niki Masse Schoenfeldt

Be sure and check out my reviews for some of Carole's other books:
I, MATTHEW HENSON: POLAR EXPLORER
http://www.curledupkids.com/imatthew.html

JESSE OWENS: FASTEST MAN ALIVE
http://www.curledupkids.com/jessefma.html

THREE DREADED WORDS; SHOW, DON'T TELL!

When I first began my writing career, these three words: SHOW, DON’T TELL, grated on me worse than fingernails down a blackboard. I just didn’t get it. Time and again, I thought, “I am TELLING a story! What is the problem?” Then somewhere down the line I finally figured it out. It didn’t come to me like a sudden epiphany, but at some point, it all started to make sense. And when it did, I realized just how important those three words really are to a well-written story.

Let me begin by saying my first impression was wrong. As a writer, I thought I was supposed to simply TELL a great story. Not so. I soon learned that my job isn’t to TELL a story, but to thrust my reader smack-dab into the action where they can experience it first-hand. As you can imagine, much of my early work read more like a newscast where the reader understood my story, but never connected with it.

Here's an example:

Then suddenly, after all this time, Annie received a letter from Grandma’s lawyer, Mr. Barclay, asking her to come to Charlotte Immediately. Daddy was in trouble and he knew a way that she could help. She immediately called Mark. He was overjoyed and agreed to meet her at the bus station the next day.

The above paragraph came from page 2 of a manuscript. Page 1 was filled with backmatter. But that's another article for another day. From it, you get the basic gist of what is going on but not the whole picture. You understand only what I’ve TOLD you, but you probably don’t feel like a part of it. Because I’ve left you on the outside looking in, you’re unattached. You have no real feel for Annie, her Dad, Mark or the situation.

Now, here’s the rewrite:

Four years after Annie’s last visit to Charlotte, she received a letter.

Dear Annie,

My name is Ambrose Barclay and I was retained as legal counsel by your late Grandmother, Theodora Davis, before her death. It has recently come to my attention that her property at 582 Magnolia Drive, which is presently inhabited by your Father, Maxwell Davis, will soon go into foreclosure. Due to legal matters and a secret trust set up by my client, I ask that you, as beneficiary, come to Charlotte immediately to stop these proceedings.

Annie booked a ticket for the next day then called her old friend Mark.

“Hello,” Mark’s familiar voice shot through the line.

“Hi, Mark, it’s Annie.”

“Annie! Great hearing from you. What’s going on?”

“Well, it looks like something’s happening at Grandma’s place.”

“Yeah,” Mark agreed. “Something sure isn’t right over there. The place is practically falling apart.”

Annie blinked back tears. Gran had been so meticulous.

“I bet Dad’s gold-digging wife has something to do with it," she said. "I’m heading there tomorrow on the bus. Can I stay at your house?”

“Hey, that’d be great!” Mark answered. “I’ll pick you up at the station.”

From the rewrite, you get a lot more than just the gist of the situation. Instead of TELLING you what happened, I’ve SHOWN you and let you experience it first-hand the same way the main character does. You know exactly what happened and, if I've done my job right, you should feel some sort of attachment to the story that you didn’t feel upon reading the original.

One way I SHOWED in the rewrite is with the use of dialog. In the real world, information is usually passed from one person to the next by the use of language. In books and stories, dialog is a great way to give information too. But make sure it is realistic and not an information dump. (See article: Dialog Despair.) Another way I SHOWED more than TOLD is by sharing the media-related info with you. Instead of telling you about the contents of Annie’s letter, I actually let you read it; or at least the important parts.

SHOWING instead of TELLING takes practice, but once you get into the habit, you shouldn’t have any trouble. Here are a few tips to help you recognize areas where you might be TELLING and how to change it to SHOWING:

- Don’t TELL your reader how a character feels.

Example: Martha was disappointed when her Dad didn’t make it to the party.

Instead, SHOW Martha’s disappointment through her words and actions:

Example: Martha wore a fake smile as she said goodbye to her guests. She shut the door behind the last one and leaned against it. “He didn’t make it, again.”

- Never tell the reader what another character says.

Example: Kevin’s Mom said he could go to the park with Ron.

Instead, show the exchange.

Example: “Mom, can I go to the park with Ron?” Kevin asked.
“Sure,” Mom answered.

- Watch out for those unnecessary adverbs.

Example: He walked dejectedly away from the jeering crowd.

Instead, show his feelings without the crutch of a flimsy adverb. Beef it up.

Example: Head hung low, he left the jeering crowd for the safety of home.

So, if you want to be a better writer, stop TELLING stories. Instead, breathe some life into them and SHOW the world the exciting tales that stem from your imagination. Let your reader experience the excitement, the drama, and the emotion as it occurs. Because after all, readers don't want to just read a story, they want to live it!

-Niki Masse Schoenfeldt

Special Guest Coming to The Fractured Keyboard!

I am pleased to announce that on Thursday, April 30, 2009, The Fractured Keyboard will host a very special guest. I hope you will join me in welcoming New York Times best-selling author and award winning poet, Carole Boston Weatherford!

Carole’s new book, BECOMING BILLIE HOLIDAY is a fictional verse memoir for young adults, recently released by Wordsong. She will be stopping by to tell us all about it, including her fascination/connection to the bluesy singer and why her tale is best told in this particular style.

If you have any questions you’d like to ask Carole, please add them to the comment section here and I will try to include them in the interview.

Watch the book trailer for BECOMING BILLIE HOLIDAY:

FIRST LINES; ARE YOU HOOKED?

In my last post, FIRST LINES; YOU ONLY GET ONE CHANCE TO MAKE A FIRST IMPRESSION, I blogged about first lines in differing genres. In some recent conferences I attended, first lines in longer works was a subject that came up more than once. It seems “the hook” is a tool used more and more by today’s novelists to snare you and drag you into their work right from the very start. As someone who has written mostly picture book manuscripts, I wondered how this technique plays out in shorter pieces. In my humble opinion, I think the first line of an 800 word or less story must have every bit of impact as it does in a full-length novel and then some. In a picture book, every word must be chosen carefully and be important toward moving the story along. After all, there is no room for heavy description, back story, or explanations. You must tell a strong, compelling tale in a simple, straightforward form. And yet, amidst that simplicity, there must be fun and excitement. Not an easy task. Therefore, grabbing your audience from the get-go seems like a no brainer. The picture book market is tough right now. The economy has thrown in its own wrench and competition is fierce. If you want your wok to catch the eye of and editor or agent in these tough times, you need to get them on the hook before they even have a chance to swallow the bait.

In my last post, I listed the first lines from numerous picture books taken from my own bookshelf. What did you think? Did they all grab your attention and make you want to read on, or did some fall short? I realize this is a subjective exercise, but I’d like to share my assessments with you. Remember, these books are ones I have purchased and enjoy. (Which means I’m a fan of all them.) I want to look at these first lines as though I am an editor/agent and have just pulled them from my slush pile. Remember, I’ve got lots to go through and my time is valuable. In order for me to continue reading and considering, there has to be something in these first lines that grabs me. (I’m liking this role way too much. Pinch me and remind me who I really am.) So here goes:

WE’RE GOING ON A BEAR HUNT by Michael Rosen: We’re going on a bear hunt.
*Same as the title. Doesn’t hook me, but makes me think that I haven’t given it a chance, so I would probably read a little more to see where it’s going.

THE VERY HUNGRY CATERPILLAR by Eric Carle: In the light of the moon, a little egg lay on a leaf.
*This one piques my curiosity; especially if I look at it from a child’s viewpoint. Little kids think of eggs in terms of birds and nests. I think they would want to know what an egg is doing laying on a leaf at night. I probably would continue.

GOODNIGHT MOON by Margaret Wise Brown: In the great green room, there was a telephone and a red balloon.
*Other than the musical quality of this line, I think it is rather boring. Not much is happening and there doesn’t seem to be anything out of the ordinary. Not sure I’d continue. Don’t see a hook here. (And boy would I be wrong! This is a classic favorite!)

SNOWMEN AT NIGHT BY Carolyn Buehner: One wintry day I made a snowman, very round and tall.
*This is a tough one. I think for stories in verse, it is not so much the first line, but the whole first verse which should be considered. This first line doesn’t have much impact, but the second line, which is part of the first verse, definitely piques my curiosity and makes me want to read more: “The next day when I saw him, he was not the same at all!”

I LOVE YOU STINKY FACE by Lisa McCourt: Mama said, “I love you, my wonderful child.”
*This is a really cute book. I love it and my kids love it, but this first line is dull. No hook.

BEAR SNORES ON by Karma Wilson: In a cave in the woods, in his deep, dark lair, through the long, cold winter sleeps a great brown bear.
*Although there isn’t much happening here, the way it was written really catches my interest. I want to read on to find out what goes on in that deep, dark lair! I’m hooked.

THE CAT IN THE HAT BY Dr. Seuss: The sun did not shine.
*This book is written in verse too. However, nothing about the first sentence has a musical or lyrical quality to it that would make me realize this. Taking only that first simple sentence into consideration, I’d say, no hook. But if I consider the whole first verse, written in three simple sentences, it does make me wonder what these kids are going to do to liven up the day. Here’s the whole verse: The sun did not shine. It was too wet to play. So we sat in the house all that cold, cold, wet day.

STREGA NONA by Tomie dePaola: In a town in Calabria, a long time ago, there lived an old lady everyone called Strega Nona, which meant “Grandma Witch.”
*This seems like a lot of information thrown into one sentence, but the “witch” part did catch my attention.

FANCY NANCY by Jane O’Connor: I love being fancy.
*This is the opposite of the above. It seems kind of vague. However, I can’t help but wonder where this is going and am compelled to continue. I’m hooked.

HENRY’S FREEDOM BOX by Ellen Levine: Henry Brown wasn’t sure how old he was.
*What kind of person doesn’t know how old he is? I must read on and find out. Hooked.

THE WRIGGLY, WRIGGLY BABY by Jessica Clerk: Once there was a baby who wriggled real bad.
*This is also a book written in verse and the first line is only part of that first verse. But even so, this first line has got me wondering about this wriggly baby. I want to find out more. Hooked.

HOW THE GRINCH STOLE CHRISTMAS! By Dr. Seuss: Every Who down in Who-ville liked Christmas a lot, but the Grinch, who lived just north of Who-ville, did NOT!
*The hook is sunk deep for this one. Of course I must read on. I have to find out who on earth is the Grinch and how could he possibly not love Christmas?!!! This is the best first line of all the books listed.

AMELIA AND ELEANOR GO FOR A RIDE by Pam Munoz Ryan: Amelia and Eleanor were birds of a feather.
*Not a very compelling hook, but a hook nonetheless. At this point I’m not sure who Amelia and Eleanor are, but I am curious to know what makes them birds of a feather.

HOW DO DINOSAURS SAY GOOD NIGHT? By Jane Yolen: How does a dinosaur say good night when Papa comes in to turn off the light?
*Well, I don’t think this hook has caught me by the throat, but it definitely captures my curiosity. I mean, how does a dinosaur say goodnight? And do they have fathers who tuck them in?!

YOU FORGOT YOUR SKIRT, AMELIA BLOOMER! By Shana Corey: Amelia Bloomer was NOT a proper lady.
*Who was Amelia Bloomer and what did she do that was improper? I’m hooked, tell me more.

And of course, my own first line from NATURE’S LULLABY: “Hurry,” Grandpa whispered, “the night creatures are getting ready to sing!”
*Okay, as I’ve mentioned, this first lines thing is new to me. When I started looking at first lines, I didn’t even remember what the opening line of my book was, or how I’d fare. Needless to say, I think I did fairly well. Grandpa is obviously hurrying someone along and he’s whispering, so he’s definitely got my attention. But now I also need to find out about the night creatures are and why they are singing. Hopefully you want to know too. If so, you can buy my book and I’ll happily send you an autographed copy! (She shamelessly plugs her own work.)

All in all, I thought this was an interesting exercise and I enjoyed applying it to the PB genre. I think it gave me a small glimpse into what editors/agents might look for when they pick up a manuscript, knowing they have hundreds more to sift through. Not an easy job. Something needs to stand out in order for them to keep reading. And yet, sometimes, because of a bad first line, they just might end up passing on the next HARRY POTTER. (I would have passed on GOODNIGHT MOON and we all know how that one turned out.) Let’s face it, not all best sellers have killer beginnings. Editors/Agents aren’t infallible. They, like us writers, are only human.

So what I’ve learned and what I hope to pass on to you is that we absolutely MUST hook that editor/agent from the get-go if we want a fair shake. From the very first line we NEED to make them want more. There’s an old saying that says, “leave them begging for more.” As a writer competing in this difficult bunny eat bunny world of publishing, that must be our motto. For every word you write, for every story you conceive, put it together in such a way that you’ve left them begging for more. After all, once that awesome book makes the NYT Bestseller list, there could always be room for a sequel!

-Niki Masse Schoenfeldt

FIRST LINES; YOU ONLY GET ONE CHANCE TO MAKE A FIRST IMPRESSION

Lately it seems I’ve been hearing a lot about first lines. This is something I’ve never really given much thought to. And yet, if you stop and think about it, your first line is the first glimpse an editor or agent will see of your manuscript. If you can wow them from the very first line you just might end up standing out in the crowd. The crowd being the other thousands of manuscripts that run across that editor/agent’s desk. Even if your book isn’t picked up, you have hopefully left a lasting impression and that editor/agent will remember your name and look forward to your next submission.

At the recent SCBWI Winter Conference, Bruce Hale gave us his best advice in writing for middle graders. His number one rule was “grab them from the get go.” Mr. Hale believes the opening line must be your hook. He quoted the first line from CHARLOTE’S WEB by E.B. White as an example: “Where’s Papa going with that axe?”

At the SCBWI-Carolinas Conference this fall, I had the pleasure of attending Mark Johnston’s workshop called: TENSION: Where the Story Begins. He, like Mr. Hale thinks tension should begin as early as possible. He shared with us first lines from other award-winning works. Here are a few of them:

HAMLET by William Shakespeare: “Who’s there?”

Holes by Louis Sachar: There is no lake at Camp Greenlake.

HARRY POTTER by J.K. Rowling: Mr. and Mrs. Dursley, of number four, Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much.

By beginning your story with tension, you immediately involve the reader. You’ve piqued their curiosity and thus forced them to delve deeper into your work, in order to find answers. It is obvious from these examples, this is a tried and true technique used by the pros and proven by the popularity of their best-selling novels. But does the same apply to shorter works?

As a writer who has been primarily involved in the picture book genre I can’t help but wonder how this same technique might apply there. Coming up with a whole story, including a beginning, middle and end in 800 words or less is no easy task. It seems to me the first line has even more relevance in this genre and must make a greater impact. Therefore, I decided to take a look at the first lines of some of my old favorites and even some popular contemporary titles. Here they are:

WE’RE GOING ON A BEAR HUNT by Michael Rosen: We’re going on a bear hunt.

THE VERY HUNGRY CATERPILLAR by Eric Carle: In the light of the moon, a little egg lay on a leaf.

GOODNIGHT MOON by Margaret Wise Brown: In the great green room, there was a telephone and a red balloon.

SNOWMENT AT NIGHT BY Caralyn Buehner: One wintry day I made a snowman, very round and tall.

I LOVE YOU STINKY FACE by Lisa McCourt: Mama said, “I love you, my wonderful child.”

BEAR SNORES ON by Karma Wilson: In a cave in the woods, in his deep, dark lair, through the long, cold winter sleeps a great brown bear.

THE CAT IN THE HAT BY Dr. Seuss: The sun did not shine.

STREGA NONA by Tomie dePaola: In a town in Calabria, a long time ago, there lived an old lady everyone called Strega Nona, which meant “Grandma Witch.”

FANCY NANCY by Jane O’Connor: I love being fancy.

HENRY’S FREEDOM BOX by Ellen Levine: Henry Brown wasn’t sure how old he was.

THE WRIGGLY, WRIGGLY BABY by Jessica Clerk: Once there was a baby who wriggled real bad.

HOW THE GRINCH STOLE CHRISTMAS! By Dr. Seuss: Every Who down in Who-ville liked Christmas a lot, but the Grinch, who lived just north of Who-ville, did NOT!

AMELIA AND ELEANOR GO FOR A RIDE by Pam Munoz Ryan: Amelia and Eleanor were birds of a feather.

HOW DO DINOSAURS SAY GOOD NIGHT? By Jane Yolen: How does a dinosaur say good night when Papa comes in to turn off the light?

YOU FORGOT YOUR SKIRT, AMELIA BLOOMER! By Shana Corey: Amelia Bloomer was NOT a proper lady.

And of course, my own first line from NATURE’S LULLABY: “Hurry,” Grandpa whispered, “the night creatures are getting ready to sing!”

In my next post, I’ll be sharing my thoughts and conclusions. I think, looking at books in this context, or first line mentality, is an interesting way to analyze my own work. That said, I’d very much like to know your take on first lines in picture books. Do these opening sentences grab you from the get-go? Do they plop you into the tension immediately? Do they pique your interest, and make you want to read more? Do some of them fall a little short on the excitement factor? If so, why? How do you think this exercise might affect your work? Do you care to share some of your own first lines?

Please add your wonderful insights to the comments section of this post and be sure to involve your friends. As the picture book market slumps with the economy, it is harder and harder to find a publisher willing to take a chance on such an expensive endeavor. Could your first line be the difference between a contract and a rejection? Let’s find out together.

-Niki Schoenfeldt